romance

Uh oh. Miss Piggy isn’t going to like this.

Women aren’t funny according to deceased British novelist Chrisopher Hitchens. But then again, Hitchens also thought his stupid haircut looked cool. But what about Dorothy Parker, Joan Rivers, Jaye P. Morgan or any other glorious funny ladies from back in the day? My theory is that guys like that hate an attractive woman with a sense of humor, because it doesn’t seem fair that the good lord gave them two gifts. How could attractive women have any talent beyond looking pretty and staring vacantly? It’s not fair.

Jaye P. was the cool aunt who sneaks you beers. When she was still in high school, her classmates gave class treasurer Mary Margaret Morgan the nickname after the banker and it stuck. With a permanent twinkle in her eye, she was all raw talent and charm whether she was wrestling the gong mallet out of Jaime Farr’s (Klinger from M.A.S.H) hands or cracking wise with host Chuck “Chuckie Baby” Barris. (Who claimed to be a CIA hitman according to his biography. “Confessions of a Deadly Mind.”) Like Kenny from South Park, almost every filthy word Jay P uttered on the Gong Show had to be censored. As a kid, I had no idea what she said, but after the “technical difficulties” sign came up, I’d hear the studio audience and other panelists rolling with laughter. Not knowing what she said was funnier, my little young mind spiraling to fill in the blanks. Now that certain heroes are rereleasing the uncut uncensored old shows on YouTube, I can finally hear those dirty double entandras, each one more hilarious than the last. 

Here is her legendary response to notorious popsicle twins. I’m not going to ruin it, watch the video.

Jaye P started her career as a singer not a comedian, and to my knowledge had no stand-up experience. Before her fame on the Gong Show ,Jaye P performed on the Jackie Gleason show, The Tonight Show, and the Muppet Show.  A bonafide singer, she scored a number 26 hit on the Billboard charts with the song “Life is Just a Bowl of Cherries” and recorded “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” a year before Elvis. She even has the Jaye P. Morgan Show with her four brothers, which I can’t find anywhere. If anyone has any leads, let me know.

Here she is performing “That Old Black Magic” on the Muppet Show.

The Gong Show launched the careers of Paul “Pee-wee Herman” Rubens, Rhonda Shear, inventor of the “Ahh Brah,” Danny Elfman and the Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo, and Michael Windslow, the guy who did the sound effects voices in the Police Academy movies and Spaceballs. It is still my favorite show of all time. It felt dangerous, as if anything could happen at any time, and usually did, from wacky animal acts, to the Unknown Comic who wore a paper bag on his head with the eyes cut out. Host Chuck Barris kept it silly, sporting a t-shirt with coat tails, a hat pulled over his bloodshot eyes while clicking his heels and jamming along to music acts on his Gibson Les Paul.

Jaye P. Morgan was one of the gang, keeping up with the other killers on the panel like Phylles Diller, Artie Shaw, and a young David Letterman. Besides being a wise acre, she stayed true to her musical roots. If an act could carry a tune, Jaye P. would be grooving and snapping her fingers, ready to serve up a ten out of ten garnished with a wise ass remark. Any musical act featuring black members would ger her full support and maybe a little playful sexual harassment if they were cute. But if they were pitchy, she’d get bitchy. 

Her Downfall.

I fucking loved Gene Gene the dancing machine. For the uninitiated, Gene Gene was a stage hand that Chuckie Baby caught doing a funny dance to amuse the crew, and put him on the air so Gene Gene could get a residual check check. Five-year-old me would run into the living room whenever Gene Gene came on and steal the TV room spotlight. This was my first experience with an inside joke, and boy was I hooked. I loved how excited Chuckie Baby would get when the band kicked into the Gene’s theme, Count Basie “Jumpin’ at the Woodside.”  I still get an adrenaline rush whenever I hear that song. But you know who loved Gene Gene even more? 

So, Jaye P. kinda sorta flashed her boobies during Gene Gene the Dancing Machines performance. Even though they cut the camera, this was the last straw for the censors. Jay P. was unceremoniously given her walking papers. The show never recovered from her absence. Some shows jump the shark. The Gong Show jumped Jay P.’s tits. After losing their golden child, the show was canceled soon after.

After the Gong Show got gonged in the ratings, Jaybe P appeared in a handful of movies in the 90’s including “Confessionals of a Dangerous Mind” and “Home Alone Two: Lost in New York”, almost canceling out the cameo of a certain orange nightmare. Later she appeared on a gameshow on the Playboy channel with alumnae Jaime Far called “Anything Goes.” which is also impossible to find online.

The problem with genius is that it’s often forgotten. My greatest fear is that this funny lady will be lost in the annals of history, which is a shame because she would have a great joke on the world annals. But the good news is that she’s still alive, cracking up all the nursing home staff with her tomfoolery. And she outlived Christopher Higgins which gives her the last laugh.