Swap Liam For Dave: An Open Letter to Oasis and the Kinks.

Sibling rivalry has been around since Cain smashed Abel’s head in and those two never ever climbed in a tour van together. There is only one thing sadder than when brothers stop talking: when they stop singing together. Sadder than that? When it’s Noel and Liam Gallagher of Oasis. And even worse, when it’s Ray and Dave Davies of the Kinks. We, the people, want reunions and we want them now. You guys aren’t getting any younger. At least do a special or something on Zoom.

Who was right and who was wrong in each little squabble doesn’t even matter. Figuring out which brother is more justified in his grudge is as fruitful as sniffing through a field to see which cowpatty smells sweetest. Who is the bad guy, Ray or Dave? Liam or Noel? Answer: probably all four. Who cares?

That’s why I propose a sibling swap. Simply trade Liam Gallagher for Dave Davies so then both The Kinks and Oasis can tour again, nowhere near each other, not even the same continent. Close your eyes and imagine Dave singing “Death of a Clown,” with the boys, maybe lending lead vocals on “What’s the Story Morning Glory?” How is that going to be a bad time? He and Noel could do a little guitar dueling during “Supersonic.” Or Liam singing the high harmony part with Ray on “Village Green Preservation Society.” Not awful, is it?

I can already hear all the naysayers, haters, and wet blankets jeering, “Steve, you’re stupid. Liam can’t play guitar. How the hell is that an even trade?” Ok, it isn’t. As a bonus, the Kinks would also get The Smith’s Johnny Marr on lead guitar. Maybe they could delight fans with “There Is a Light that Never Goes Out” as an encore? Who knows? How much fun would it be to hear Ray sing that one? Plus, Liam plays a mean tambourine, which is an unsung staple of almost every Kinks classic from “People Take Pictures of Each Other” to a little ditty that Leonard Bernstein lovingly referred to as “a barbaric example of the mixalodian scale” called “You Really Got Me.”

This way, the Kinks fans would be happy, the Oasis fans would be happy, hell, even The Smiths fans would be happy. Well, happier. Happierish.

I mean, I’d buy tickets to both shows. Come on guys! Be Game. What would Cain do?

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